Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Twenty-Sixth Submissions

Becky says, "Yay, BLW is back!" Then she brings the pain-

"I Love You, Man of La Mancha"

"Law Abiding Citizen Kane"

"Untamed Paper Heart"

"I Am The Legend Of Bagger Vance"

"Where The Wild Things We Lost In The Fire Are"

"Rachel Getting Married To The Mob"

"Away From Her We Go"

"(500) Strange Days of Summer"

"The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Truth"

"The Funny People Under The Stairs"

"Land Of The Lost Boys"

"We Are Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

"Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Girl With A Pearl Earring"

"The Curious Case of Private Benjamin Button"

Ed says, "after eight months to think it over? I got nuthin'"

"Soylent Groundhog Goodburger."

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Twenty-Fifth Submissions

When we last left The Bad Lieutenant's Wife, the bad Ed was too busy to save her and left her hanging from the precipice like an indifferent Simon Legree.

It took an idiot sp*mmer with more than an hour to kill and a nationally syndicated cartoonist to revive The Bad Lietenant's Wife...if only for a moment.

Sridhar J left off with-

"The Scary Simpson's Movie"

"My Best Friend's Wedding Crashers"

"Behind Thin Red Enemy Lines"

"Of A Few Good Mice And Men (I'm not sure if this has been done already, the search isn't as reliable as it once was. Ed)"

"Happy Go Lucky Gilmore"

"It's A Wonderful Bug's Life"

"When Harry Potter Met Sally"

Bucky Katt (sic) a.k.a. Darby Conley weighs in with this one and you have to click it to make it bigger-

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Twenty-Fourth Submissions

X. Dell pushed and pushed, and then he revived The Bad Lieutenant's Wife on his blog. Normally I don't encourage this and someone who blatantly ripped me off on the Internet (not Mr. Dell, I repeat, not Mr. Dell) should pray that I do not get ahead enough on my overtime pay to hire a lawyer. Yet The X Man has been lobbying for TV shows for ages and I said that if he wanted to do TV shows, by all means, do TV shows.

He asked his blog's readers and they came up with some good ones, which he posted on his blog. X. Dell notified me of this, and he forwarded them, unlike a certain rip-off artist. There are some serious gems in here, but why are you reading this? When you should be reading the Twenty-fourth Submissions-

John B

Dr. No Mo' Better Blues


Darkness Falls On Golden Pond - After getting the family back together, and remembering happy times, a gang of bloodthirsty inter-dimensional witches come to Golden Pond, and gives the family 24 hours to decide who will be their blood sacrifice.


Dances with American Werewolves in London

Throw Momma from the Midnight Meat Train


Debbie Does Santa Clause Too in Dallas - A movie about Christmas time fundraising.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’ Booty Call - Bodacious blonds call on gentlemen.

The Story of O Brother, Where Art Thou?-A young woman's search for her brother who has been sold as a sex slave.

The Last Tango in Paris Date Movie - A closeted lesbian widow finds herself obsessed with the fiancée of Grant, the guy at the diner.

The Departed Walk the Line - Zombie horror flick featuring the Dead Kennedys.

K9/She/Chicory/Mean Lovey Dovey Coolidge

Dressed to Kill Bill,Vol.1

The Hills Have Eyes of Laura Mars [And she wants them back!]

American History X-Men

Touch of Evil Dead

Malcolm X-Men

Blue Velvet Lagoon: Two teens' sexual awakening is anything but tender when it is interrupted by a nitrous sniffing madman.

Seven Beauties Samurai: Samurai rescue Italian army deserters from a terrifying prison madam, only to be turned into transvestite geisha prostitutes.

Vanilla Blue Sky: Horny Jessica Lange embarrasses husband through her adulterous affair with disfigured Scientoligist.

The Lion King Kong: A giant ape f***s up the Circle of life.

BlackuLa Bamba: A hip-hop vampire goes on a blood sucking rampage every time he hears a Mexican beat.

As Good as the Bad and Ugly Gets: A story of 3 western desperadoes with obsessive compulsive disorder.

Dead Man Walking Tall: Sheriff Buford T. Pusser goes too far in when he kills a nun who befriends him in prison.

Hang Em High School Musical: Disney CEO snaps when his stable of teen tarts make a porno.

Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice and Turner and Hooch: *explicit X-rated film featuring bestiality *

Black Rain Man: An autistic man gets the better of the Yakuza.

Animal House of Wax: Low budget horror film where an entire fraternity is picked off one by one; dipped in wax and put on display at the "college" museum.

Air Force One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Obama realizes he can't fix anything and leaves the country.

Sridhar J

Sex and the City of Angels - Four women in search of love(?!) find spiritual fulfillment.

The Hollow Man Who Knew Too M- A brave woman gets back her child kidnapped by a near-invisible man.

Top Guns of Navarone - Tom Cruise fights for the Allies in WW2, Epic win for Axis.

Silence of the Lions for Lambs - Serial killer among the US troops in Afghanistan.

Stuart Little Women - Of women and mice.

The Bridges over River Kwai in Madison County - British army regiment futile attempts to re-colonize the USA.

An Inconvenient Truth about Cats and Dogs - How cats and dogs are destroying the environment.

The Full Monty Python and the Holy Grail - The Pythonites get nekkid.

Six Days Seven Boogie Nights - A mismatched couple crash-lands on an island where a porn movie is being shot.

The Other Mean Boleyn Girls - There are more Boleyn sisters than we thought ... and uh-oh.

Confessions of a Dangerous Shopaholic Mind - Shopping till you drop ... dead.

Girl, Interrupted Next Door - A small town boy falls in love with a borderline-depressive girl.

Cold Brokeback Mountain - Two gay guys fall in love but the sex is frigid.

He's Just Not That Into You, Me and Dupree - About a guy who is strictly monogamous.

Sleeping with the Enemy of the State - Matahari meets Drive-in.

What Happens in Vegas Every Spring - A documentary about seasonal time business variations in Las Vegas.

Death at Four Weddings and a Funeral - A violent bunch that likes to kill at weddings.

The Runaway Princess Bride - A princess who runs away with her girlfriend.

American Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the beast set in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

Analyze This Confession of a Dangerous Mind - The Unabomber goes to see a shrink.

Bringing Down the Haunted House - Queen Latifah as a vampire slayer.

Fifty-Four First Dates - Drew Barrymore goes to Studio 54 to find a date.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Chainsaw Massacre - doesn't need a log-line!

Dude, Where's My Carmen - a French opera with the "dudes."

Million Dollar Baby's Day Out - Rich kid strays away from nanny and into a boxing ring.

The First Wives Fight Club - Three divorced women want to get away from it all by fighting on the streets.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Twenty-Third Submissions

Rust never sleeps, and neither does The Bad Lieutenant's Wife! It's been nearly a year since the last submission. Flannery decided to wake this blog from its slumber and she chooses to fight the cold, cold winter of Ohio (note, with nary a yellow snowball in the list) with-

"Scooby Doo and the Reluctant American Werewolf in London"

"Get Smart Shorty"

"The Dark Knight's Tale"

"Dr. No Reservations"

"Charlie Wilson's War of the Roses"

"Jumper Cable Guy"

"No Country for Three Old Men and a Baby"

"An American Gangster in Paris"

"Love Story in the Time of Cholera"

"We're No Snow Angels"

"Good Night the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and Good Luck."

"Pirates of the Carribean: Men in Black Pearls"

"Ocean's Twelve Angry Men"

"National Treasure: Book of the Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood"

"Fun with Dick and Lady Jane"

That Ed guy? He's completely unprepared and that is odd, considering he's had over eleven months to get it together. He panics and goes to his Fandango email for scraps-

"Underworld: Rise of The Mallcops"

"Bloody Inkheart Valentine"

"Cujo, Marley & Me"

"How To Marry A Slumdog Millionaire, Without Really Trying"